OuttaDeeBox Podcast
OuttaDeeBox podcast is a pre-recorded bi weekly show geared towards supporting former and current inmates and their families in Wisconsin. Our mission is to inform listeners about community resources that can assist them in securing employment opportunities, housing, mental health and substance abuse support, with the goal of reducing recidivism in Wisconsin. We also give listeners and guests the opportunity to share their unique inspirational stories through spoken word and other forms of musical artistry.
OuttaDeeBox Podcast
A Mother's Strength: Sinceray McCullough's Relentless Fight for her son
Imagine having your child taken away while you're fighting to reclaim your life. That's the reality Sinceray McCullough, also known as Ray, faced when her son was wrongfully placed in foster care during her incarceration. In this powerful episode, Ray recounts her tumultuous upbringing in Chicago, filled with neglect, abuse, and the challenges of the foster care system. Her story is one of incredible resilience, as she finds the strength in her siblings and extended family to turn her pain into a purpose-driven movement called "I Want War."
Ray's journey to reunify with her son is fraught with obstacles, including the stringent requirements of anger management courses, parenting certificates, and psychological evaluations. She exposes the often adversarial relationship with social workers and the crushing timelines dictated by the 1522 law, which prioritizes departmental agendas over family unity. Ray offers an unfiltered look at the emotional and bureaucratic struggles many parents endure, highlighting the systemic flaws that make reunification grueling.
We also shine a light on Ray's relentless fight within the family court system, marred by a traumatic car accident Her transformation from a felon to a peer support specialist serves as a beacon of hope. Ray shares invaluable advice for individuals with criminal backgrounds seeking rehabilitation to enhance employment prospects. Her story underscores the power of legal representation, the necessity of a stable environment, and the unwavering strength of the human spirit in overcoming life's toughest challenges. Tune in for a poignant exploration of resilience, advocacy, and the fight for family.
What's up everybody. This is your host, dee Star, here with.
Speaker 2:Sincere McCullough Ray for short. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:So for the people that don't know you, can you tell us a little bit about yourself?
Speaker 2:Yes, I am a Chicagoan born and raised. I am the eldest of five siblings. Life has not always been the best, but I made the best of it. I come from a very broken, poor home, neglect, abuse of every kind projects South Side of Chicago, roseland Laughlin, abandoned by the time I was six, left to be raised by grandma and all of my aunts and uncles. Shout out to my aunts and uncles they were the best caregivers. I love y'all. Once things started to progress, they did not progress for the best.
Speaker 2:As life went on, I found myself being tossed around from foster home to foster home, to no fault of mine, but I have always been a big advocate for my siblings and I, so we never ended up being split up. We know each other. I held them down at 12 years old. I was calling shots in a courtroom to say, hey, if you can't find a home for one of us, they can't take us all. Eventually we ended up orphaned. But even you know, in the orphanage we made the best of our situation. We made the best of our situation. My father, he was around, but he was in and out of prison all of my life for about 30 years Robbery, kidnap, murder, things of that nature. My mother was addicted to crack cocaine. She came from that Reagan era, so we all feel victim to crack cocaine. Families' homes were broken up, so I was left without parents.
Speaker 2:But while they were there, my mother did what she could. She was a good mother. My hair was always combed, my house was always clean, we did have electricity and that's why they were both active parents. But you know, once the prison system took over and drugs, you know, took my mother from us. Then we were put in the house with grandma.
Speaker 1:The reason why we're here today is you've started a movement based off of some things that happened in your life. I Want War. What is I Want War? What is it about?
Speaker 2:The I Want War movement. War is my son's initials, william Albert Reed III. This is actually the third war going on right now for me. My son very handsome little boy, smart, articulate my son was taken and put in a foster home. I never thought I would have to actually go to war about my son, even though those are his initials. I did not in a million years imagine my son going through what I went through as a little girl being a dad. He's never been molested, he's never gone without food, he's never experienced homelessness.
Speaker 1:So how did you lose your son?
Speaker 2:I was incarcerated at the time in 2015. I had been arrested, sent back to prison. I left my son with his father and while I was incarcerated, his father had been stopped coming through Kenosha by the police and they found my son. He was five years old at the time. They found 17 grams of crack cocaine in the car, bullets in the front seat. My son had no seatbelt on. This is the way I receive the report verbatim from social workers via US Postal Mail with a court date saying that you have to come to court for your son. He's being placed in a foster home. The father was taken into custody.
Speaker 1:And, mind you folks, she wasn't the reason that her son actually was taken away. She wasn't incarcerated at the time, so it wasn't like it was something that she did for this situation to happen. I mean, there is some blame there. Of course, we always have to take responsibility for our actions. But you know, in the grand scheme of things, it was no fault of your own that your son was removed when he was pulled over.
Speaker 2:He told the police that I was dead.
Speaker 2:And so my son heard that and it scared him and so he just woke up and told the police my mom's not dead, she's in jail. And so when they ran my name, you know the police was kind of upset about the lie. I was just like you know. Now we're not even going to allow a family member to come and get him. So Kenosha County came and pat without a social worker being present. Came and pat without a social worker being present. They pat my son down, treated him and exposed him to the life of a 23-year-old drug-dealing black man. They pat my son down, searched him as if he, you know, had drugs on him and there was not a social worker present.
Speaker 1:So, basically, you ended up losing custody of your son and you get out of prison. Take us through what life has been like since you've been out of prison fighting for your son.
Speaker 2:If anybody out there knows the Bible, there's a scripture that says what was meant for your harm ultimately turned out to be for your good, and that's the only way I could look at the situation. Had it not been for my son ending up in this situation in a foster home, I probably would have never gotten an associate's degree. I probably would have never became a peer support specialist with a peer support specialist certification. I probably never would have obtained my CBRFs to work in nursing homes and that's my passion to work in nursing homes and that's my passion. Working with children probably will still be living in hotels or engaging in illegal activities and being incarcerated constantly. I probably would have never got off probation. And that's something that was a big accomplishment for me, because after 21 years of and not just being a ward of the state all my life as an adolescent, but into my adult years, after 21 years of being on probation and parole, I finally retired my DOC number and I have been on and off and up of completion for extended supervision.
Speaker 1:So congratulations on that and congratulations on all of these awards and certifications I have a huge stack of them sitting here on my desk from all of the places you just said. So you've really taken a negative and really turned it into a positive something like I've never seen before. So I really want to commend you on that. Something like I've never seen before. So I really want to commend you on that. So let's kind of take it step by step. What was the first thing that you did to get your son back?
Speaker 2:Everything that I just mentioned. Then, out of jail, I have maintained employment. I did everything to meet reunification goals. So reunification goals are set. To say, hey, you know, you have to do this in order to reunify with your kid, to get your custody back of your kid, you have to do X, Y and Z jump through this hoop, jump through that hoop.
Speaker 1:And you did that, you completed that.
Speaker 2:I did. I did anger management twice. I have two parenting certificates. I have undergone psychological evaluations. Everything that I had to do, I did. I had a few bumps in the road due to conflicts of interest with the father and his spouse, with probation and parole with the social workers. That's what it came down to the social workers. Ultimately, the situation became personal and it just became a sport.
Speaker 2:In what way To take my son, we would go to court. They would bully me, they would snarl at me when I say I'm going to get my son back. They would, you know, stare me down, give me nasty looks, very combative, argumentative with me If I had a good day in court, they would, you know, do vindictive things and be petty about my visits. If there was concerns that my son had as far as abuse and there was a lot of abuse allegations and there was actual proof I showed the judge he's now retired. He retired after he allowed them to take my son. I showed the judge pictures of black eyes of my son and the whole courtroom of people, foster homes or foster moms, the social workers. Nobody could give an account to where the black eye came from and he had been in their care for quite some time.
Speaker 2:My son would show up to my visits in the prison when this all first happened and he would have warts. My son had warts on his hands, on his ears, and the foster parent claimed that she didn't see it, that she never noticed it, and I would only get to see my son at the prison once a month or maybe twice out of three months. And I just didn't understand, like how do you not see this, when I noticed it right away and I don't see him as often as you do, when I noticed it right away and I don't see him as often as you do. Like I said, if there was concerns that he had about abuse, about being yelled at, if I wanted to talk to him about these types of things, or like the car accident that he had, the foster mother fell asleep behind the wheel from exhaustion and the car rolled over five times with my son in the car.
Speaker 2:My son was not taken to the hospital. He was checked out by the emergency staff, the EMTs or EMS. He was checked out by them because at the time there was an open case investigation for abuse. At the time they didn't take him to the hospital. They didn't notify me until 11 days later the mother was taken to the hospital for concussion and temporary memory loss. I did not get toxicologies. I didn't get anything. And when my son wanted to, when he expressed concerns about his fear, his trauma and the whole ordeal, we were bullied and told by social workers that you have to change the subject. Bullied and told by social workers that you have to change the subject, and they did that with every conversation where my son expressed his fears and anxiety and the abuse it was always. You can't talk about that. You have to change the subject and if you don't, we're going to end the visits, because I was a big advocate for my son, just like I was with my siblings.
Speaker 1:I know it's something else that you wanted to speak on. There's been a new law that's been introduced that you wanted to speak on. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Speaker 2:So, the 1522 law and this is where I lose. This is where I lose the battle. This is where you know I lose the war. This 1522 law was passed October 2022. It was a bill that speaks against how long a parent has before to people who have children who has been taken from them, out of their custody. Within the 22 months, you have 15 of those months of out-of-home care, have 15 of those months of out-of-home care when the child is in a foster home. You have 15 months to meet your conditions of return, which means you know you have to. If the conditions of return says you need to take clean UAs, you need to go to work, you need to maintain employment, you need to maintain housing. If you have not done those things within 22 months out of that 15 months, they can start the process of, you know, taking your parental rights. That's what a TPR is. When they TPR you, they take your parental rights and that out of that 22 months, in that 15 months.
Speaker 1:What does TPR stand for?
Speaker 2:Terminate Perennial Rights. And this is where the illegal railroading comes in, because it's not the system doing like. When I was in a foster home, they did what was best for us, what we wanted. Now they're doing what's best for the department. And the most hurtful part about this journey was every time we stepped into the courtroom there was no mercy for my feelings. There was no mercy for my mental health or anything. Whenever the judge questioned, why are we in a rush for the next court date? They were brutal, they were vicious about it when they just threw it out there funding, and I had to swallow that every time I heard the word.
Speaker 2:And because I was a strong advocate for my son, because I stood up for him whenever he complained about abuse, about being bullied by the five of his foster brothers who were five years older than him and much bigger than he was, or the father Peter, who would scream and yell in his ear so loud to as he explained it felt like his eardrums would bust. Or them just letting them beat my son up because they were not allowed to dish out corporal punishment when they felt like they wanted to strike him. They would let the foster brothers who's five years older and way bigger, dish out the abuse. So he would have black eyes and things like that. And because I advocated and I stood up and I made a big fuss and I fought really hard to get my son back, they made a sport out of taking my son. It became personal. I had social workers texting me after 4.30. These text messages the lead social worker, sarah McKenzie, on the case. She would text me until like 6.30 at night telling me how many ways my son is better off in the foster home than with me. And I have presented all this evidence to the judges.
Speaker 2:Nia Trameo, this was one of the judges. She allowed it to happen because it was political. She just got her seat as well. She was actually sworn in by Everett Mitchell. I had Everett Mitchell as a judge, but the social workers substituted him for a different judge. So I ended up with the woman, the black lady, who allowed them to take my son just to keep her seat. And you know, I kind of thought that was a sign from God. Like you know, everything's going to be okay. I got a black lady. She was sworn in the day of your son's birthday, but I don't know what happened. These people will call me at work. I had a client in the shower before who I had to be hands-on with. They're calling me saying, hey, we got court and I'm just like I'm coming to court. The father was never made to show up to court. The father never did, was never made to do anger management. The father was never made to do psychological evaluations. The father was never made to do parenting classes. The father never showed up for court.
Speaker 1:And the father gave away his rights also.
Speaker 2:Eventually he signed over his rights for whatever. It was a bunch of reasons, child support being one of them, thinking that, you know, if he signed his rights away, he wouldn't have to keep paying child support. Um, his new spouse was another reason. So there was a lot of factors, but he pretty much put me in a bad situation. The social workers the biggest factor as to why and I'm not gonna make an excuse for him, but the social workers, uh, was promising him, you know, pretty much bargaining with him, telling him like, if you put restraining orders on her, we'll give you your son back, as long as you know, you limit the contact with her. And so that's what he, you know, did. And there was no such thing. As you know, she's stalking me. She's calling my house, she's coming to my house, she's calling the job. She's calling my house, she's coming to my house, she's calling the job, she's coming to the job, or she's calling my girlfriend, or it was none of that.
Speaker 2:They went on Facebook and made it seem like I was a threat to be around my son. He lied and said that if he was to get custody of my son and had to share like visits, he lied and said that in the restraining order, lied and said that she may not give me my son back when it's time to return him, and that's my fear. So you know this is the reason for the restraining order when really it was the social workers pulling that divide and conquer thing and he fell for it. And so when it didn't happen like they told him it would, he kind of ran out of his patience and, yeah, he signed his rights over and over and left me to fight by myself. So when it came to me fighting to the bitter end, like I said, I did X, y and Z and was willing to do everything and the only thing when they TPR me, when they terminated my parental rights.
Speaker 2:The reason that they said that they did it was because I missed a court date. This court date was never. I missed a court date. This court date was never, and anybody who's going through this. I would like y'all to pay attention to this part, because when you have these types of court dates, they're supposed to be hand delivered, just like an eviction notice by a deputy, a sheriff, or either it's supposed to be in certified mail where you have to sign for this, and if it's not signed for it, it will not be left there. There's a notice that will be left for you. Neither three methods of delivery took place with this court date that they claimed that I missed.
Speaker 2:My car flipped over on me five times two years ago. I had court debt. These people did not let up on me, never gave me an excuse or anything. I was on Zoom in a hospital bed numerous times with COVID. I lost a baby and I still showed up for court from a hospital, but the father was never made to show up to that courtroom and he was the cause of why my son was taken. Because of that, they said that it was grounds to TPR me when I did an appeal, the appeal.
Speaker 2:This is another vital thing that I want to raise awareness about Lawyers. Everybody's probably wondering why I didn't get a lawyer. Well, my brother Kingston. He's the owner of Holy Gods. There was plenty of lawyers that he paid for it. Everything is out of my hands at this point. Even he tried to do everything he could do, came to sell, got out of the box. He has searched and tried to move mountains for me and my son, for me and his nephew, and this, right here, was the end result, and I think this was better than paying for the lawyer. I mean, he might not think so because he had to come out of his pocket, but this was like me, getting my voice heard. So shout out to Kingston Holy God, I love you. They took, they illegally took my son from me.
Speaker 2:After I did everything that I was supposed to, I am in case management now. I went from being a four-time felon to be working in case management, being a peer support at the Tolerian Behavioral Health Support Services. I'm one of the best that there is out there, with lived experiences and really working to make change, who have the heart to make change, and my motto is it only takes a second to care. And even with you know the hurt that I feel every day all day long. And even with you know the hurt that I feel every day all day long, this empty shell as a black mother who had an injustice happen to her with the system, I still have so much to give to my community, so much to give to the elderly community that I love working with and with the youth.
Speaker 2:But I'm going to go back to the appeal. When the appeal, when the appeal process, happens, that's where you guys need to get lawyers, be it. Go to the law library and get the lawyers that they give you down at the county if you cannot afford one, and make sure that they help you put it together, because even with what I put together, which was extensive, which was a lot, they have their own attorneys who point out and pick through the transcripts and point out everything bad that can incriminate you in the appeal process. So you guys need to watch out for that and make sure you guys get, you know, lawyered up and get some real legal advice when it comes to the appeal process.
Speaker 1:If you had to give any advice to women that's just coming out of prison, If you had to give any advice to women that's just coming out of prison, trying to get their kids back, trying to do the right thing to get in their lives, what would that be?
Speaker 2:Be patient. Show that you can create a stable and safe environment, because that's the number one thing with human services, with social workers, they have to make sure that they are returning a child successfully, returning them back into a safe environment. Maintain your cool. There are protocols. When you feel an injustice is going on, there are reports that you can write. There are, you know, steps that you can take to get your voice heard and to get justice. You know for injustices that's going on within the foster home.
Speaker 2:So arm yourself with knowledge is basically what you're trying to say, and always harness your aggression, be calm and, you know, just do what they go above and beyond, even if they don't ask you to do it. If it looks like it's something that will help your case, do it. Go get educated, go take classes, go to school. You know, show them that I am capable. Show them you don't give them a leg to stand on when it comes to court. Out of 100 percent of visits, I have a piece of paper that states I was present for 86% of the time, and this has been during COVID. So a lot of the time the communication was cut off because of COVID. Make your visits. Don't miss your visits. I don't care what's going on. If you don't have a valid reason or valid excuse, don't miss your visits. That's the biggest key. Make the visits.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I think that's really important and thank you for sharing that knowledge and thank you for giving us that lived experience. I think that is going to be very valuable to a lot of people that's going through this same situation. So how can people find you?
Speaker 2:I am. You can find me on LinkedIn. I'm Sincere McCullough. You can find me on Facebook Porchlight. If you guys are looking for peer support specialists, I'm one of them.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Well. Thank you so much for coming. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me. I really do appreciate this opportunity. Like I've been feeling so caged in my mind I felt I've been feeling silence, the child abuse and neglect that they put on my background. Another thing is ladies, men, whoever have these types of things on their background, especially if there was an injustice involved I need you guys to go through the background rehabilitation through DHS and DCFS. It is not the end of your life because you have these felonies and these child abuse cases. Go and get rehabilitated so that you can, you know, earn a living and get a decent job and not have to work at dead-end jobs.
Speaker 2:Martha Stacker, she's with Department of Human Services. She's one of the people who has been helping me, who helped me go through that process. After they took my son, I couldn't get a job and it was very depressing. I went in $4,000 in debt with my landlord. Bills were sky high. I couldn't get a job because I didn't know that they put child abuse and neglect on my record and so it stopped me from working in nursing homes and stuff like that, even after I got an associate's degree. So, yeah, y'all go through those background rehabilitations if y'all got those child abuse and neglect on there.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I'm D-Star Until next time, guys. Thank you, thank you.
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